The Joke thread.

[Oxer]

Disclaimer.

Some jokes may seem offensive to some people, due to cultural or racial topics. If you read a joke that you take offence to, I suggest you dont come into this thread again. If there are down right offensive ones that even I, an Aussie with a great sence of humour, take offence to, I will delete the post.

Keep in mind, these are JOKES, and not meant to be taken personally or litterally.

Now then.




There's an abo sitting across from a nun on a train eating a box of prawns. As he finishes with each prawn he chucks the tail at the nun hitting her in the face over and over again. The nun takes it for a little while but eventually cracks it and grabs the box of prawns and chucks it out the window. the abo says "you'll get a $60 fine for littering if I tell the cops what you just did" the nun replys "you get 10 years if I cry rape and they smell your fingers cunt!"

[Oxer]

A black boy goes to the doctor because he cant stop jogging on the spot. The doctor puts a line of white powder on the table and said "Snort this! That'll fix you." As soon as he snorts he stops jogging. "Wow" he says "Good stuff! Is it cocaine?" Doctor says "No, It's omo! It stops colours from running!!!"

[Oxer]

wats the difference between a family get together and a 69er? with a 69er you only have to look at one asshole and kiss one cunt

[Oxer]

what does a bloke with a 10inch cock have for breakfast? well i had bacon and eggs

[Oxer]

The latest Christmas toy has just hit the shops - a talking muslim doll. Nobody knows what the fuck it says coz no-one's got the balls to pull the cord.

[Oxer]

Little Herbie had been blind since birth. One day at bedtime, his mother told him that the next day was a very special one. If he prayed extra hard, he'd be able to see when he woke up in the morning. The next morning she came into Herbie's room to make sure he'd prayed hard the night before.'Well then, open your eyes and you'll know that your prayers have been answered.'Little Herbie opened his eyes, only to cry out, 'Mother! Mother! I still can't see!''I know, dear,' said his mother. 'April Fool!'

[Oxer]

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters...

They were all getting married within a short time period.
Because Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get
Started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the
Honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.


The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.
The card said nothing but: 'Nescafe'

Mum was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the
Nescafe jar.


It said: 'Good till the last drop'.

Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.



The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding,
And the card read: 'Rothmans'


Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes,
And she read from the pack: 'Extra Long. King Size'

She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.



The third girl left for her honeymoon in Auckland , New Zealand ...
Mum waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still
Nothing..
Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.


Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words 'Air New Zealand '

Mum took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing
The worst, and finally found the ad for Air NZ.





The ad said
'Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways.'



Mum fainted

[Oxer]

bloke goes to doctor having problems with premature ejaculation. he is told when you feel like cuming give yourself a fright by firing a starter pistol in the air to prolong the sex. 2 days later the doctor sees him again and asks how it went bloke says not good we were in a 69 felt myself start to cum so i fired the gun. my wife shit in my face bit the end ofo my cock and the milkman came out of the wardrobe with his hands up

[Oxer]

If you f**K a hooker while she's asleep is it rape or shoplifting?
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I fucked a girl with a stutter last night. It was great, I managed to finish before she could say 'No'.
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I was outside hospital having a fag when this bloke in a wheel chair said "why do you smoke!" i looked at him and said "why the fuck do you wear shoes?'
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Yesterday, I was horrified when I found out that I've got aboriginal blood.............. Luckily, its only on the bullbar.
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My girlfriend doesn't like my new aftershave, called 'Chloroform.'
Apparently it makes her feel sleepy & gives her a sore ass..

[Oxer]

My missus was being funny when she said my cock resembled a Tic Tac.After she had finished her little victory laugh, I asked her"If that really is the case, how come your sister still has bad breath?

[Oxer]

What has 64 legs and 2 pubic hairs?


The front row of a Justin Bieber concert.

[Oxer]

6 truths of life:
1. you cannot touch all your top teeth with your tounge

2. all idiots after reading this will try it

3. and discover that the first truth is a liean feel superior because they can do it

4. your smiling now because your an idiot

5.you dont care if you are an idiot

6.theres still a stupid smile on your face

[Oxer]

the police are looking for a person that steals vibrators, licks balls an likes it up the ass what should i do? pretend i dont know you?

[Oxer]

boy in the bath with his mum " mum whats that hairy thing?"
mum says " thats my sponge "
boy says " oh ok.......... the baby sitters got one, i saw her washing dads face with it the other day"

[Oxer]

I failed another job intervie today apparently putting 'gangbang' on your resume doesnt qualify as proof of teamwork